How Often Do You Have Sex?

Mrs. Jones shares some thoughts on quality vs quantity.

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

It is not unusual to hear the results of some nationwide survey saying that the average married couple has sex on average X times per week. Does that mean that if we don’t meet the quota of having sex two or three or four times per week that there is something wrong with us or wrong with our relationship?

When I first got married, I remember joking with my girlfriends about the jelly bean jar. You remember: You were supposed to put a jelly bean in the jar every time you had sex during your first year of marriage. Then you were supposed to remove a jelly bean from the jar every time you had sex during the second year of marriage to see how drastically the frequency had declined. Ironically, Mr. Jones worked nights six days a week during our first year of marriage, so I’m pretty sure our jelly jar didn’t meet the average per week quota as newlyweds!

Now, thirty something years later, I happily realize that throughout our marriage we never worried about that silly jelly bean jar or the studies about how much sex we need to keep our marriage healthy. We instead focused on taking advantage of the rare evenings with no activities planned or those rainy Saturday mornings when we don’t need to get out the door to get in our long runs for the week.

Some weeks we have lots of opportunities to spend “quality time” together, and some weeks we are doing well to have the energy to kiss each other goodnight before sinking into bed exhausted from the daily grind of life. Some evenings we will be focused on quickly getting upstairs after dinner with a glass of wine to spend some sexy time together. And other evenings we will simply enjoy conversation sitting in the sunroom with a glass of iced tea.

Which evenings do I like better? Both types of evenings are important to me. I’m not gonna lie, Mr. Jones would probably prefer more evenings of the sexy upstairs variety versus sunroom conversation, but I truly need both. If we get so busy that we lose touch with what’s going on in each other’s lives, then my sex drive suffers because I am stressed out and distracted. I need to feel connected to Mr. Jones in order to feel sexy.

The bottom line for us is that we don’t focus on quantity as much as we focus on quality.

We are Mr. & Mrs. Jones, swinger lifestyle podcasters. If you like what you read here, please give us some claps and share with others! If you want to learn more about the swinger lifestyle and/or We Gotta Thing, you can find our podcast episodes and much more at

We love reading (and writing) about sex, sexuality, and the swinger lifestyle on Medium. It’s entirely worth the $5/month subscription. Care to join us?



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Mr. & Mrs. Jones

Mr. & Mrs. Jones


We are swinger lifestyle podcasters and we gotta thing going on! Care to join us?