Moving from Fantasy to Reality…or Not
Do You Want to Be Swingers? Here’s How.
This article is for couples who have been talking (maybe only coyly ‘joking’) with each other about how sexy it might be to swing together, but haven’t quite managed to take the first steps toward actually doing so.
If only ONE of you has been thinking about swinging and you haven’t yet started to flirt with the idea together as a couple, you might want to start with the article below, “How to Talk to Your Partner About Swinging.”
We’ve been in the swinger lifestyle for a long time now, but we still remember what it’s like to be brand new at this. Over the years, we have also met and coached a large number of couples as they make their first forays into swinging. Between our own experiences and those we’ve gleaned from other couples, we have put together some thoughts about how to go about making the transition from talking about having sex with others to actually having sex with others, as a couple.
Start With Discussing Your WHY
Long-time listeners and readers have heard us say this plenty of times. It’s vitally important to talk together about the reasons you are interested in inviting others into your intimate sexual life. You may have done this already, but if you haven’t, this is step number one. The next time one or the other of you flirts aloud about the idea of swinging, use that moment to either talk earnestly about it or at least intentionally set a specific future date to have that discussion.
The article below, “Should We Become Swingers?” provides great starting points for that conversation.
OK. What’s Next?
So you’ve had the talk and you’ve squared away your reasons for being intrigued by swinging. As a matter of fact, you’ve had the conversation so many times now that it is beginning to feel frustrating that all you ever do is talk about it. How do you move from sexy conversations between the two of you to action in that direction?
- Educate yourself about swinging. Read articles like this and blogs together. Listen to swinger podcasts (not just ours). Some of our recommendations are here.
- Become part of a swinger or swinger-curious community. Lots of people join our We Gotta Thing community prior to actually swinging with another couple. That provides them with a way to talk with other couples who are either in the swinging lifestyle or considering it, like-minded folks who don’t judge and who understand the feelings and issues surrounding the idea of ethical non-monogamy. In a lifestyle community, you become friends with both seasoned swingers who’ve “been there/done that” as well as others who are newly exploring.
- Know that it’s totally okay to explore the swinger lifestyle and then decide, for any reason, that it’s not for you. Learning about it and maybe even trying it out do not make you beholden to it forever.
- Create an online dating profile as a couple and/or join dating apps as a couple. In other words, once you’ve educated yourself and met others who have experienced or are experiencing the same thing, put yourself out there. (Bonus: Creating a profile together is a great way to further explore what you do or do not want out of the swinging lifestyle experience).
- Attend a meet & greet, go to a sex club, or attend another type of swinger event. You don’t have to make a swingers date with another couple to start out. That can feel like a lot of pressure. Perhaps antithetically, going to an event where multiple couples (and possibly some singles) will be present is often a lower-pressure astmosphere than a couples meet-up. You can decide in advance that you just want to go to watch and meet people, but not play, and then re-negotiate during the event if you both feel comfortable doing more than watching. Maybe the first time you just soak in the atmosphere and play with one another. That’s still a huge step, still very hot, and will give you more to talk about as you determine whether this lifestyle works for you as a couple.
Probably the most important aspects of this journey are (A) knowing that you don’t have to feel alone because there are great online swinger communities now that can provide a safe place to explore without diving into the deep end of swinging (think of these communities as the water wings of non-monogamy), and (B) realizing that it’s totally okay to go at whatever pace you want.
We are Mr. & Mrs. Jones, swinger lifestyle podcasters. If you like what you read here and want to learn more about the swinger lifestyle and/or We Gotta Thing, you can find our podcast episodes and much more at WeGottaThing.com.
