Navigating a Swinger Vacation
The Unique Challenges and Opportunities of a Multi-Day Event
In the past, we’ve talked about how to flirt as swingers in the lifestyle and about how to transition from flirting to playtime. We have even talked about what to pack for a swinger vacation. But until recently we had not yet talked about how to navigate the flirting and playtime that comes with a swinger vacation.
So, we recently dedicated episode 108 of the podcast to this topic and we’ll summarize some of what we discuss in that episode here for you.
There’s just a lot going on when you’re at a multi-day event/trip and mixing with the same overall group of people throughout your stay. It’s a unique dynamic that presents both amazing opportunies but also lifestyle challenges—particularly if you’re new to it. It’s different from a date, a club, or a swinger party.
If you follow us and/or listen to us at all, you won’t be surprised to hear us say that the most important first step is for you to know and discuss your goals for the trip. Is this mostly just an opportunity to connect with each other while in a sexy environment? If not, revisit your play style. Will that be the same while on vacation? Will there be any vacation-only changes to that? If you are traveling with friends or a group, what are your goals and expectations for interactions with them? Are you looking to make connections before playing or are you mostly just looking to have sex?
Our suggestions for how to approach making connections with others on a swinger vacation depend on whether you’re more what we call “social sexy” or more “down to f*ck” (DTF).
If You Are More Social-Sexy
Approach getting to know people during vacation sort of like you would back at home:
- It’s okay to not anticipate having sex the same day you meet another couple.
- Keep conversation in the getting-to-know you personal mode, but not overtly sexy at first.
- Go to dinner together and talk some more. Flirt. Conversation may evolve to sexy stuff as you click with each other (or not).
- It may be that during dinner, you or the other couple demure and decide against playing together. And that’s okay. You’ve still made new sexy friends.
- DTF couples may be off-putting to you.
If You Are More DTF
- You may go into the day anticipating playing with another couple or single.
- You may still go to dinner together first, but it’s more of a precursor to sex than a getting-to-know-you opportunity.
- Talk of sex and sexiness will probably emerge much more quickly.
- Social-Sexy couples may be off-putting to you.
Be Careful of Making Assumptions in This Environment
While everyone at a sexy resort likes being in a sexy atmosphere, not everyone there has the same goals. Some may just want to play with one another within that environment. Lots of people will be in various states of undress. Skimpy bikinis, lingerie, and costumes will all be super sexy. This is not an indicator that they want to have sex. Be careful of making those assumptions. Couples may be flirty and they may have sex with each other where others can see. Neither of those things mean that they want to have sex with another couple or single.
The more you tune in to other couple’s words and physical indicators, the better you’ll be at figuring out if they are interested in getting to know you more and possibly playing.
What If You Don’t Feel It with a Couple?
It may be that, as you get to know a couple—especially over dinner—you could figure out that playing is not something you want to do together. Just like in non-vacation dating, this can feel awkward. It may be that you have invested a lot of time getting to know the couple and you either (a) feel bad about “wasting their time” or (b) feel frustrated because there’s no time left in the day now to get to know another couple. This can be even worse if you’re feeling “last day syndrome”—knowing you’re leaving tomorrow and you haven’t played with any couples yet.
We do not, you can imagine, recommend playing with others out of feeling guilty or when you’re not feeling a connection/chemistry. We’ve not run into a situation where the outcome of that is positive.
What we do suggest is that you be honest and forthcoming with the other couple. It’s not easy, but it’s best for all involved…just like when you’re dating back at home. It’s even more important to be forthright on vacation, though, because you are very likely to see this couple again during the day tomorrow if your’e not leaving the resort or event.
What If You DO Feel It, But Not Tonight?
This is a unique situation. Perhaps one of you has been over-served and knows it’s not a good night to continue to the bedroom. Maybe one of you isn’t feeling well after a day of sun and fun. There could be any number of reasons you discover that—hot as this couple may be—tonight’s not a good idea.
They may be disappointed, but be upfront about this. The beauty of a multi-day event is that tomorrow’s another opportunity.
The Next Day
So, let’s say you have played with another couple and now it’s morning and you know you’ll be seeing them again later at the pool or bar. Maybe it was great and you can’t wait to see them, kiss them, thank them, and maybe even make arrangements to play again. But…maybe not.
Maybe it wasn’t a bad experience, but the two of you have some processing and debriefing to do together and you know you aren’t interested in playing again. This means you have to figure out how to handle seeing and greeting them later in the day.
Our approach to this is what Mr. Jones calls “Groundhog Day,” like the movie. Each day at the multi-day event is a new, fresh day where you are not obligated to anything more than being a good, kind human to the folks who were in your bed last night. Greetings, smiles, and “hope you have a great day!” is more than enough when you see them.
Maybe you do want to play with this couple again, but Groundhog Day is still a smart approach. Don’t pull up to their breakfast table and act as if you’re now an exclusive foursome—unless you all discussed doing just that together the night before. Ease back into conversation about what you plan to do for the day and re-feel-out the vibe between you. If they also seem interested in more fun, great. If not, it’s your job to realize it and move on.
Look, Adult Play is for Adults
Folks who attend multi-day swinger events and vacations know that they will need to say “no thank you” to others during the event and that others may say “no thank you” to them. It’s really okay. As long as you come into the environment understanding that and knowing that “no thank you” isn’t personal on either end, you’ll find it’s pretty simple (but not necessarily easy) to navigate a multi-day swinger event.
If you’d like to know more, check out episode 108 of We Gotta Thing.
We are Mr. & Mrs. Jones, swinger lifestyle podcasters. If you like what you read here and want to learn more about the swinger lifestyle and/or We Gotta Thing, you can find our podcast episodes and much more at WeGottaThing.com.
