Our Thing May Not Be Your Thing
“We may be one example, but we shouldn’t be a blueprint.” — Mrs. Jones
We are swinger lifestyle podcasters who have been talking about and writing about the thing we got goin’ on since 2014. We’ve appeared as guests on other podcasts, talked on panels, held workshops, seminars & weekend events for people to learn about and explore the lifestyle, and the We Gotta Thing membership community has grown to over 1,000 people who interact with us regularly both online and in person. We talk often, with a lot of people, about “our thing,” which—put as succinctly as possible—means being social before sexual and very much a dedicated team.
Because we are so public about our approach to the swinger lifestyle, we often hear from people who feel that they need to match the way we do it. Sometimes those people feel frustrated because it doesn’t seem to work out exactly the same way for them as it does for us.
Once a couple enters the swinger lifestyle, they often find that it’s different than what they anticipated or expected. Sometimes they think they’re “not doing it right” because they listen to us and think, “We need to do it like the Joneses do it….” but for some number of reasons, our approach doesn’t work well for them. Here’s what we want you to know:
You 100% do not need to ‘Keep Up with the Joneses!’
There are so many ways to approach the swinger lifestyle. No one approach is right for all people or couples. The ways to “do” it are as varied as the individuals and couples who engage in it. Our way of approaching it works very well for us where we are in life physically and temporally, where we are in our relationship with each other, and where we are as individual people.
We are aware that our approach to the swinger lifestyle does not appeal to everyone. There are non-monogamous couples who listen to us and think, “Nope. We’re not like these two. That’s not for us. That’s not our thing.”
It’s totally OK (listen, we think it’s great) if our approach to swinging appeals to you and seems compatible with your own thinking and feeling. It’s also OK if you develop a totally different approach based on who you are individually and as a couple. As a matter of fact, that’s the way to go about it.
We communicate with a lot of new swingers, and we know that when couples enter swinging they at first tend to look to others who seem relatable. They want to learn the ins and outs of the lifestyle from folks who seem similar to them. That’s why lifestyle podcasts and blogs are popular. Couples new to swinging are often hungry for input on how to “do” this. Nothing wrong with that. Heck, it’s what has kept We Gotta Thing going for all these years!
What we want to communicate, though, is that just because we share our thing, we don’t intend for our thing to become your exact thing. We want you to explore all the avenues and approaches that appeal to you (or might). We want you to to find the approach that fits you. You might reject some things about the way we approach the lifestyle and embrace others. That’s terrific! Shoot, you may reject our thing entirely and develop a whole different thing for yourselves. That’s terrific, too.
We got into this a while back, in a way, when we wrote about how social comparison can be a “thief of joy.”
We know what our thing is as swingers. What our thing is as podcasters and writers is helping you find and figure out your thing. We want you to enjoy the freedom to be who you feel is your most authentic selves.
If you want to hear more about our thoughts on why our thing may not be your thing, including more details about HOW to find your own thing, tune in to podcast episode 97.
We are Mr. & Mrs. Jones, swinger lifestyle podcasters. If you like what you read here and want to learn more about the swinger lifestyle and/or We Gotta Thing, you can find our podcast episodes and much more at WeGottaThing.com.
We love reading (and writing) about sex, sexuality, and the swinger lifestyle on Medium. It’s entirely worth the $5/month subscription. Care to join us?