That First Swinger Play Experience
Mr. Jones Recalls
Just like that, it was over.
I had spent days, weeks, months (maybe years?) fantasizing, researching, thinking, talking, planning and preparing for this much anticipated moment and then….POOF! Done. Over. What just happened?
Bodies are everywhere. Breathing and moaning playing in surround sound. Feet, elbows, and hands moving over the bed like tentacles. Unfamiliar noises (some from my wife), sharp fingernails across my back. A little nipple biting, ass slapping, and hair pulling. And that smell…the unmistakable scent of sexual humidity hanging in the air.
I keep trying to focus, to no avail. It’s all a blur. Someone I barely know just put me in her mouth! But wait, someone other than me has his head between my wife’s legs! And now I can’t exhale because my play partner just put my balls in her mouth. Did he just get a condom? No, my wife is showing him one of her signature hand job moves. Should I be bothered by that? It’s all so strange but damn, it’s hot!
Now my wife is with his wife. When did that happen? I can’t believe I’m watching this. Can we just freeze time? I’m so thirsty. Where is my water? Wait, who cares about water! My wife is going down on another woman. How does she even know how to do that? I want to get involved but I want to watch. Should I wait until I’m invited?
The other guy is handing me a condom and nodding towards his wife. He’s offering, but do I need ask her? Maybe I should just….Hey, he’s having sex with my wife! Damn condom, I should have practiced more.
Thinking back to our first (and maybe second, and third) sexual experience with another couple, it’s impossible to recall the details. I didn’t remember exactly what happened or in what order. Everything happened so fast. I remember wondering the next day whether I had enjoyed it. Yes, it was erotic and exciting (and I did have an orgasm) but there was just so much to process, mentally and emotionally. I had been having sex for over 30 years yet I felt so ill-prepared for this.
Why would I expect it not to be strange and overwhelming? Another man with my wife after all these years. Trying desperately to please a woman I barely knew. The reality of the situation totally obliterated the pornographic scene I had fantasized about all that time before it became a reality. Then there was the waiting to see if one of us might feel jealous or feel guilty about what we had just done, evaluating the impact of these actions on our relationship.
Maybe you are at the very early stages of wondering if the swinger lifestyle is right for you. Or, maybe you’ve just had your first play experience and your head is still spinning. It’s OK. We’ve found that allowing ourselves to process each step forward in the lifestyle—separately and then together—has allowed us to grow and expand our enjoyment of it as a couple. It’s important to make time to feel the feelings, think the thoughts, and talk through it together.
We’ve found that it’s also important not to get too caught up or too long in these emotions and thoughts. Each experience brings new understanding of ourselves individually and as a couple. Each time—even after many years in the lifestyle—we process and debrief together, and then we keep moving forward.
We are Mr. & Mrs. Jones, swinger lifestyle podcasters. If you like what you read here and want to learn more about the swinger lifestyle and/or We Gotta Thing, you can find our podcast episodes and much more at WeGottaThing.com.
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