The Joy of Soft Swap Play for Swingers

Mr. & Mrs. Jones
4 min readJan 30, 2022

For new swingers or new situations, soft swap can hit the spot!

Photo by Anna Tarazevich from Pexels

For the first 18 months of our lifestyle journey, we were exclusively a soft swap couple. This means we played with others up to a point, but did not have penetrative sex with anyone other than each other. We didn’t feel the need to progress to full swap (it means exactly what you think) just so that we could check it off some mystical lifestyle bucket list. Playing with other couples without the added complications of having penetrative sex was enough for us in the beginning. And, to be honest, we still sometimes prefer soft swap when we play.

What complications, you ask? Well, there can be quite a few of them.

First and foremost, condoms are necessary with full swap sex. Yes, some couples will go bareback with others (no condoms required), usually with very close friends in the lifestyle that they have come to know and trust. But the decision of trusting someone enough to forego condom use adds a layer of potential complexity to the lifestyle experience. So we simplify things by always using condoms.

Second, a lot of feelings can emerge with full swap. Sometimes watching your partner have penetrative sex with another person can be a lot to deal with, emotionally. Feelings of insecurity or jealousy can surface without warning, which can lead to misunderstandings and possibly drama in the moment if those feelings catch you off guard.

And then there are performance issues. Men can struggle with sexual performance for many reasons. Too much alcohol, nervousness, anxiety at seeing their partner enjoy the attention of someone else, or just the unfamiliarity of having sex with someone new and different. They say variety is the spice of life, but that variety is sometimes the cause of anxiety that can negatively affect the moment.

So are we saying that we are not fans of full swap? That it’s more trouble than it’s worth? No, that is definitely not the message.

Full swap with the right couple in the right setting can be so much fun! We have certainly moved beyond our “soft swap only” beginning in the lifestyle. But we are not a “full swap only” couple now, either. Our message today is that swingers shouldn’t overlook the option of soft swap as a fun and satisfying play experience.

Soft swap can be a great option for a first play experience with a new couple you’ve met recently. It removes some of the pressure. With soft swap you know that you can push some boundaries and be naughty with another sexy couple, but then at the end of the evening you will get to experience the satisfaction of reconnecting and culminating the evening with your partner. When you know ahead of time that you are going to swap back to your own partner after enjoying some sexy play with others, that knowledge can help you avoid some of the uncertainty and anxiety that comes along with opening your sexual relationship to others.

At this point in our lifestyle journey, we can have fun in soft swap or full swap situations as long as there is good communication and a four way connection with the other couple. Just because we often participate in full swap play does not mean that we rule out soft swap; on the contrary, sometimes soft swap in just right for the situation and super hot! The longer we are in the lifestyle, the less important this distinction seems, as long as we are on the same page as a couple and with the other couple.

Remember us saying that variety is the spice of life? That spice comes not only from a variety of sexy new partners, it’s also the variety of sexy experiences that you can have when engaging with those sexy friends! Maybe you will stick to soft swap this time and try full swap the next time. Let the mix of people and circumstances dictate those decisions rather than an arbitrary expectation of what a swinger “should” be or do.

Sometimes new swingers get caught up in thinking that they need to participate in the lifestyle a certain way to qualify as “real swingers.” That could not be further from the truth. Play where your comfort level lies, not where you think it needs to be. You’ll have a lot more fun that way!

We are Mr. & Mrs. Jones, swinger lifestyle podcasters. If you like what you read here and want to learn more about the swinger lifestyle and/or We Gotta Thing, you can find our podcast episodes and much more at

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Mr. & Mrs. Jones

We are swinger lifestyle podcasters and we gotta thing going on! Care to join us?