To Costume or Not to Costume?
That is the Swinger’s Question.
We’ve found that there are more themed and costume-oriented events in the swinger lifestyle than there are in the vanilla world. Like, a lot more— even when it’s nowhere near October on the calendar.
Sex clubs and swinger event hosts like to promote theme nights where participants are encouraged to dress the part. Maybe it’s fairly simple, like “Neon Night,” or maybe it’s a little more daunting, like “BDSM Night.” It could be an open-ended invitation to dress as your favorite sexy character. It could be a nebulous invitation to “dress to impress.” Maybe it’s just “lingerie night” or maybe it’s something very specific like, “Outer Space Soirée.”
The swinger community likes to play, and that includes playing dress up. Newcomers to the lifestyle may find this either exciting or off-putting. While many embrace the chance to dress creatively, we’ve found that the same folks who balk at dressing up for the office Halloween party (read: Mr. Jones) also resist showing up in costume for swinger events.
To Costume
There are good reasons to dress up for swinger events and parties!
For one thing, it adds to the atmosphere of the event. Once in the door, it’s a thrill to find yourself in the midst of a sexy, transformed space—and to feel as if you are an integral part of that transformation. When the living, breathing, moving elements of the event visually enhance the theme, fun and exciting things tend to happen.
Another good reason to give dressing up a try is this: You may discover a playful (maybe even naughty) side of yourself that you didn’t know was there. Like role-play in the bedroom, sexy “cosplay” at a swinger event can help lower inhibitions and encourage costumed partiers to take some arousing chances with other party-goers (or maybe just with the partner you brought with you).
Dressing up for a swinger event takes the dire seriousness out of trying nonmonogamy, and imbues an event with a sexy playfulness that inspires experimentation. Being “someone else” gives your mind permission to explore that persona and do some flirty things you might not do ordinarily.
Not to Costume
Some of our listeners relate that they are inhibited to try dressing up for a costume event because they are uncertain of exactly what is expected or how much/how little to get into the theme. (The easiest way to fix that hesitation is to reach out the event host or club management and simply ask.)
“Silly costumes just aren’t me.” That’s another reason folks don’t care to play along with dress up, and it’s a valid one.
Some swingers don’t feel creative in the costume department. They get more stressed than excited by the premise of planning, selecting, and coordinating a theme outfit. Others don’t want to invest in a theme costume they will wear only once (and possibly for a very short time).
Coming up with sexy costumes for men is a challenge. This is a super valid complaint! While the ladies seem to have an unending choice of what to wear for almost any theme event, men often feel limited to costumes that feel more silly than sexy.
Dial it Up or Down
A smart approach to theme nights and costumed events is to moderate the theme so that it fits your comfort level.
Are you an over-the-top, extra, if-it’s-worth-doing-it’s-worth-overdoing sort? Perfect. Take your costume to the ultimate level. Bring on verisimilitude. Cosplay to your sexy heart’s content.
Are you more hesitant, unsure, introverted, or costume-averse? Cool. Pick one small attire element (a hat, a tie, a pair of gloves or shoes, a string of pearls, a day-glo shirt) and fit only that one piece to the theme. Be minimal in how you interpret the costume idea. That’s fine too.
The Point is to Enjoy Yourself
Event hosts are always glad to provide tips on what is/is not appropriate for the theme. And there are usually swinger friends who can be helpful in coming up with ideas (it can actually be pretty fun to talk with friends about costume ideas and maybe even do a group costume if everyone is going together).
Not every swinger enjoys the pageantry and — you know what? — that’s just fine. The swinger community doesn’t press anyone to be who they are not. If you’d rather come sans costume, you’ll still be very welcome. If you want to forego costumed events and theme nights, no one will press you to do otherwise.
Consider the theme, think about whether you’d like to participate (even if that means pushing a boundary for yourself), and then show up knowing that it’s all in good fun and the crowd will accept you, no matter what.
We are Mr. & Mrs. Jones, swinger lifestyle podcasters. If you like what you read here and want to learn more about the swinger lifestyle and/or We Gotta Thing, you can find our podcast episodes and much more at WeGottaThing.com.
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